Dec
9
Time To Spice It UP!!
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Okay, so I have been talking about marriage and how to make it strong before you commit but what about for those who are already committed? How do we help those couple that are in relationship trouble and are close to divorce? For those who want their marriages to work, there is a way to breathe life back into your dying affair. Just follow simple rules and soon your marriage will have that kick it once had.
Start with being the model for change. If you want more romance in your relationship, then add more. Be the change you want in your relationship. Own your own. Know that it takes two to have problems and that you need to see what you are doing wrong first before pointing out what your partner is doing wrong. Initiate sexual contact. Many people complain about their sex lives, but that is all they do. It’s time to make the first move into bringing life to your marriage.
make sure to talk about what you want and do it in a positive manner. If you would like to travel, say something like, “I would love to see Paris someday.” Your partner will hear you and take it into consideration. Maybe one day he will surprise you with a second honeymoon!
To restabilize your marriage you need to commit to bringing it back slowly. It will be like dating your partner all over again and bring back passion to the both of you. And don’t be afraid to do this as many times you need it since there are times relationships get boring. It’s time to spice up your love, are you ready?
Dec
1
Pass the TEST!
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Okay, since my paper is so close to do, why not talk about it? My persuasion paper is on persuading people all around to require any engaged couple to pass a pre-nuptial course before getting married. We are in a world where divorce is growing and marriage is being mocked. Guys seem to be less and less mature as they grow older and women can’t seem to get straight what they really want. So why not put them to a test? If they pass, they get married but if they fail, they shouldn’t. Love may be an important factor and it should be able to break all barriers, but where are not part of a soap opera nor a love movie! Love alone cant keep a marriage. The test would be there to test how well the couple work together, what obstacles they can overcome or can’t. It will require each of them to face planned arguments, to communicate what they really want, to seek their inner goals, to see how determined they each are and to see in the end if they really can see themselves together and be able to put aside their differences.
Counseling will also be a part of this “test” where in the end, a marriage counselor will help them with any issues that really put them to the test. This will help bring the couple together, and overall make them stronger for any challenge that can lie ahead. This is the major reason for this “test,” to make marriages last and save people from falling into the next divorce statistic.
Nov
21
Same Sex Marriages
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So, my paper really has nothing to do with same sex marriages, but since its a very out-there topic, I thought why not? I just want to discuss it. I’m not trying to pick a side because honestly I don’t know how I feel about them. I grew up very religious and in the bible women were created for men. However, I’m VERY liberal. I say, “as long as you don’t hurt anyone, do what you want!” I am nobody to judge and say that gay guys or lesbian women are sinners, wrong doers. Let god be the judge of that.
To be real honest, I don’t get the whole damn controversy on this. We have drugs killing children, serial killers and rapers on the loose, kidnappers, and so much crime in the country, and were waisting time and money fighting about who should be able to marry who. If same sex marriages were harming the world, then I would say, “Do something about it, otherwise concentrate on what is and fix that first before picking fights over what isn’t.” On proposition 8, my only comment to that is that there are many people against same sex marriages, and that’s why it passed. Give it time. Correct the world, and once crime, guns, and drugs are gone, the world may be a little happier and let everyone marry whoever they want. People need time to adjust to ideas, and as I have learned, the United States of America is reactive. Something needs to happen in order for same sex marriages to be allowed.
Nov
12
Why don’t these men marry?
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As the world turns and couple are forming, we are seeing that less and less of them marry. One of the reasons for this is that marriage to men is viewed as negatively. Men are more concerned with going out, having their beers, chilling with other men, and doing manly acts. “Guyland” as Tony Dokoupil refers to it in his article, “Why I Am Leaving Guyland,” is becoming a new epidemic which is sweeping those twentysomethings from the traditional path of going to school, moving out, finding a career, and eventually settling down and getting married to form a family. Dokoupil states that In 1960, almost 70 percent of men had reached these milestones by the age of 30. Today, less than a third of males that age can say the same.
This is because “Guyland” is being advertised as the way to be. Its the new in now, and men don’t want to be left behind. Shows like “Entourage” and commercials like Miller Lite’s “Man Laws,” make delayed adulthood seem like a lark–roguish, fun and, most of all, normal way of life and men can’t help but feel that this is the way it should be. Even those that are unhappy with the life continue it because they believe their friends, co-workers, or the guy next door is into this way of life, and he doesn’t want to be seen as odd or strange.
“Guyland” steers away these man from marriage, feeling that there is no reason to leave the good life, yet they don’t know that marriage seems to bring some men a better life. as Dokoupil states, men who marry find themselves happier, more sexually satisfied and less likely to end up in the emergency room than their unmarried counterparts. They also earn more, are promoted ahead of their single counterparts and are more likely to own a home. And the outcome for guyland guys? Well, they are less responsible, stick with their parents longer and in the long run are reluctant to don their fathers’ robes–and commitments. So if it’s not so good, why is it so popular?
Dokoupil, Tony. “Why I Am Leaving Guyland.(Society; CULTURE).” Newsweek. 152. 10 (Sept 8, 2008): 70. Opposing Viewpoints Resource Center. Gale. CCLA, Palm Beach Comm College. 12 Nov. 2008http://find.galegroup.com/ovrc/infomark.do?&contentSet=IAC-Documents&type=retrieve&tabID=T003&prodId=OVRC&docId=A184345446&source=gale&srcprod=OVRC&userGroupName=lincclin_pbcc&version=1.0.
Nov
11
What’s love got to do with it?!
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“I need to find a tall, handsome, and most of all RICH husband!” This is a phrase that I’ve heard ever so often, and much more these days. Woman are looking for guys that can give them everything they want materially and this has me wondering, “Isn’t love suppose to override it all, and be the truly most important factor of all?” Apparently not! Woman need to know a man can take them to a restaurant and show him off. She wants all the woman to turn heads and say, “wow, he’s hot,” and “she’s one lucky woman!” Not only that, but she wants to make sure the guy will be able to pick up the bill no matter what she orders. The woman figures that if he can’t pick up a bill or suggest going Dutch, he won’t provide her with a good future.
What I’ve always thought, and call me a little naive, is that love overrides it all. What truly matters at the end of the day is that he loves you. If you have that, your happy, and a happy couple can work through anything. Besides money comes and goes. Money can disappear in the same way it appears, and if a person relies happiness on money, then their happiness can turn sour quickly. I’m not going to deny that I wouldn’t want to find a man that is financially stable, but its not the most important thing I’m looking for either.
Oh, and don’t think women are the only ones that abide by this saying. There are men out there that look for sugar mamas and hot woman, while overriding those with true feeling and deep desires. This occurs more with the newer generation as some would label it “the LAZY generation!” Working doesn’t become a goal anymore and money becomes the biggest ambition. In relationships, the heart takes the biggest hit, and if in the end money brings these people happiness then, “What the hell does love got to do with it?!!”
Oct
29
Polyandry- One wife + Two Husbands
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I was reading an article a couple of days ago and I found it so interesting, that I decided to write about this today. The article was about two brothers who shared a wife. This is call polyandry, one form of polygamy. The article feature these two brothers and pointed many reasons for marrying the same wife. Some reasons why they made this decision was because of tradition and economics. The brothers claim that although this is weird to many of us, in their town in India, it is very common. Some wives have up to three husband, depending on how many brother are in a family. Economics is another reason why the go about this way. When it comes down to inheritance, there is no need to divide land or any assets. Both brothers share as one and provide for their wife.
This is insane. How on earth could this work. The fact that it is common in this area makes me wonder where else this is practiced. Now, my motto has always been “Whatever everyone else does is their business. As long as it doesn’t affect me in any way, do your thing,” but its just weird. The funny thing is that they seem to manage their relationship a lot better than any married couple that consists only one partner.
The brothers run on a schedule and work as a team. They agree that they have their arguments, but try to work them out as a whole. They don’t worry about who’s kids are who’s. Each brother considers each kid their own and when it comes to their wife they can’t get overly emotional and keep in mind that she loves them both. As for the kids, one of their son said he is willing to keep the tradition alive. The daughter isn’t so sure; she would like one husband, but if need be, she will marry more.
Seems like they communicate well with each other. I’m pretty sure some husband and wives would agree that one spouse is enough, but in modern polygamy marriages, it seems that partners deal better and work problems out better. I guess three is NOT a crowd.
Sep
24
Marriage Can Wait!
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Today, my response goes to a marriage blogsite called “Marriage Can Wait.” The first thing that I noticed here was it’s slogan, per say, “Marriage, the leading cause of divorce” and I just have to say that this is exactly what I believe. Now don’t confuse my belief. I am not against marriage whatsoever, what I am against is everyone who mocks it, who rushes into it, who abuses the sense of it and resorting to divorce when it didn’t work out, time after time again. This is what I’m against.
I do have that dream of finding that “one” and getting married, but I’m not in a rush to make a mistake either. Americans of today, don’t take their time to get to know their partners anymore, and well love at first sight is a bunch of bull. The magic word of this generation is “time” and many are overlooking this. People get married eight, six, even three months into their relationship, and eventually end up in divorce. Now, I’m not saying that there aren’t successful cases out there because there are, and I say hooray to all of you, but there are many more cases that end up in divorce compared to those that end up in ‘happily ever after.”
To those reading this post, please don’t take it pessimistically and dismiss the thought of marriage because that is not what I want nor am getting at. What i want is for people to realize that marriage is not to be taken lightly. It’s serious, and single people need to embrace their “single-hood” first, so that when they do get married, they can appreciate their marriage and their working as one, that much more. This is what that blog was about, appreciating the virtues of being single and de-stigmatizing its peoples belief about behind single compared to marriage so that we can realize ”that single life does not undermine marriage, it strengthens it. When single people can live their lives with all of the same respect, benefits, protections, and opportunities as people who are married, then those who want to marry are free. They can pursue marriage for the right reasons- not to run away from the stigma of being single, but to embrace the attractions of being married.”
Sep
10
For this week’s post, we’ll start off with the question, “Isn’t living together the same as being married?” Now a days, many people (I guess those that hate the idea marriage) prefer to live with their partners rather than marry them. It’s happening more and more. People just find it easier to say “let’s move in together” rather than “will you marry me.” Why is that? Isn’t living together with the person with consider your soul mate going to have the same outcome if you marry them?
When you marry someone, yeah there’s the whole thing about wedding costs and what not, but in the end you are in the same place where a person who just lives with their mate is at. So why are so many just taking the simple way out? Some say that its because they don’t need a piece of paper to prove that they love their partner. They argue that this way they save on wedding costs for more important things like buying a home and maybe saving up for children in the future. They also argue that this way, if they decide to part ways, they just do. There is no worry of divorce and no added expense on this either. They don’t think signing a paper is necessary.
Those that do go for marriage defend their stand by explaining that marriage is sort of an extra step to show their partner how much they love them. If they are willing to sign a contract that is not so easy to get out of, and say I do till death do them part, then that means they are so much in love with them and have high hopes for each other. Along with this, they get the benefits of a marriage on their taxes and building up credit as one. Those that do go for marriage say living together is the same and believe that extra step should be taken.
I, well I’m not too crazy on the concept of marriage, but I do believe that if you are living together, why not make it OFFICIAL and marry. You might as well. I mean if you care enough for this person to share a home with and create children with, then why not. This shows that you plan on sticking it out TOGETHER!
Sep
3
What is all the commotion about?
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It’s a known fact that women dream about getting married one day and fantasize about their dream wedding more than men. There is a percentage out there, however, that doesn’t get it. I am in that percentage! It’s not that I don’t get it, its that I don’t know what the whole commotion is about. I’m not going to lie, I once dreamed about it, but things happen, life gets rough, and dreams diminish. All of a sudden, I GREW UP!
So you’re probably wondering why this topic? Well, it started when my uncles, aunts, and even parents, pushed the idea on me and my boyfriend. I’m going to be totally honest, my family is the very traditional type. Marriage is not an option like it is here in America, it’s a matter of time. I, however, growing up and viewing cultural Americans, have a different opinion of the whole situation. Marriage in America (and this is not intended to offend anyone) is different, and when say different, I mean it’s not taken seriously anymore.
Now this just didn’t come from seeing how many marriages end in divorce. Yes, I’ve had my heart broken and that’s what I meant with life gets rough, and this does have something to do with my “dream” dissolving, but not entirely! I got back on my feet and gave it another try, yet at the same time I noticed something going on in the United States. The divorce rate was increasing and is still on the rise! It seems like more and more people hate each other, fall out of love, or just get married for the heck of it, and then they divorce each other. What a dream killer huh? Celebrities seem to mock marriage. Stars like Pamela Anderson and Brittany Spears seem to think it’s a competition. I don’t know about you, but this kind of discourages me a little! I do want to marry one day, I just guess I want to wait and be truly sure I’m ready! I owe it to MY culture to take it seriously! Otherwise, I will be in the percentage of divorcees who discourage other women not to tie the knot!