Nov
27
Single Parent Adoptions
Filed Under Ways of Thinking | 2 Comments
How can they tell us that we must be married to adopt a child? You have girls as young as 13 years of age having babies and they are given classes on how to take care of the child and benefits from the states to take care of the child to get on their feet, which in my opinion, gives them time to go out and get another baby. They receive free day care to look for jobs and to attend school. They are also given room and board for a length of time, food stamps for food assistance, WIC coupons for free baby formula, dairy products and juices. Emergency funds for lights and water. We put kids into the foster system and pay the foster parents money each month to take care of the children and most of them are keeping them for the pay. They have beat, starved and abused them and it takes the Department of Children and Family Services years to make the recommendation to the state to revoke their licence because they are not fit foster parents.
These funds should be given to single people who want to adopt a child. Because they are single, does not mean they will not be a good parent. Children do not come with manuals and even married couples do not always know what they are doing. If we give funds to single parents to learn how to take care of their child like we do teen mothers or WIC coupons to help them pay for formula, we will get kids out of foster care and into a loving home with a parent who will truly love them and give them a stable life.
Nov
27
Older Child –vs- Newborn
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Children have a hard time not being adopted and they often wonder why not me? We cannot answer that question when they are older but some are lucky enough to make it out of the system before they are at that age that is not usually acceptable by most people for adoption. Most people want a cute little baby that they can raise and teach their own values. When these kids are of school age, most of them are destined to be in the adoption system for the rest of their lives. They do however, have a better chance then a teenager does. People do not want them because they feel that they are opinionated and they have developed a personality that they do not want to compromise or give up for anyone. What people do not understand is that these kids are only doing what they know how to do best and that is survive. I once attended a class that actually told us not to treat foster children the way you treat your own child because the next foster home they go to may not do things the same way you do and they may not want the foster child to participate in family functions. These kids have to learn how to love, whose love is legitimate and who just wants them there for the check. However, babies are taken from the birth mother and spend maybe days in Family and Children services before there is someone asking for them and in most cases, there are waitlists for couples wanting a baby to raise as their own.
Children in the foster system that are older have usually been placed their by Department of Children and Family Services because they have been abused by someone either mentally, physically or sexually. There is usually a case of neglect by a parent or an addiction to drugs. These children have lived this experience and usually are in a position where they have to raise other siblings. They are then separated from each other or in most case they are already an only child and now we think that they should just know who to trust, break down the wall around their heart and just love. How many of us can do that?
Nov
16
Foster Care
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“FOSTER CARE”
This is a true story of adopting a child from foster care. My daughter had a friend in school that was in foster care. She was removed from her parents care due to abuse and neglect. My husband and I were asked by our daughter could she spend the night with us because no one ever come and took her out of the Foster home for the weekend or spend quality time with her. We started spending time with her on the weekend and it soon turned into holidays and vacations. We decided to adopt her and went to the Foster home, talked to them and setup meetings with them. We were told that she was a wonderful child with no disciplinary issues. They said that they had checked my husband and my background and it was excellent.
Three weeks later the story was different. She did not come over that weekend and when we called the home, they would tell us she would call us back. My daughter saw her in school and asked her what was going on and she told her that the foster home did not grant her permission to visit us because that was her punishment for going to the mall with one of the other girls in the home. The other girl who participated was told she could not go to the first football game and that was it. She was told that she could not have contact with us until they told her she could. One of the ladies that was over the foster home did not care for her because she knew her birth mother. I could not understand why her punishment would be not to have contact with us. She was not given the same punishment as the other girl involved. Their answer to us was they did not have to tell us anything. They fired the lady who punished her but they punished us also. I feel that this is the reason most people explore adoption from other countries so that they do not have to go through all of the bureaucracy that the United States put you threw.
Nov
10
Adoption for Pregnant Teenagers
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The article that I chose will tell you exactly why adoption should be legal and upheld in our country. Reading this story on teen pregnancy, open my eyes to something that I never thought about before and that is why teens should have the right to give a child up for adoption. At first, I thought if one of my daughters were to get pregnant, she would have to just suffer the outcome. If you want to play adult games, you will have to suffer the adult consequences. I never thought about the one person who would truly be affected by this outcome and that is the child.
There were times when my kids were young that I did not want to be bothered, I needed a break. I was an adult and it became too much for me, how can you expect a teen not to get overwhelmed. I read once that a teenage girl was so afraid to tell her parents that she hid the pregnancy and when the child was born, she threw it in the garbage can as if it was trash. The mother of that child was thirteen years old and only cared about the look of disappointment on her own parents face when they found out she was pregnant. Disappointment, shattered dreams and failure are the only things that these girls think about. We frown on abortion and teen pregnancy. Let’s face the facts, teens are sexually active even though we do not want them to be and they make mistakes, not many of us can say we had plan pregnancies. However, if we make a safe environment for them and give them other options; this may cut down on what society has labeled “Throw-a-way Kids” or “Dumpster Babies.” One day someone out there just may want to say thank you.
Nov
5
Adoption within the Family
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A lot of people look forward to the day when their last child has graduated from high school and went off to college. For some people that day will come a lot later then expected because it has had to be postponed due to them having a second family to raise. Grandparents are now having to raise grandchildren to keep them from going into foster care because the biological parent or parents are unable to or choose not to raise the child or children themselves. Most of their retirement money is used on raising that second family. Paying for daycare, going on field trips and doctor appointments is how they spend their golden years. They spend their time doing homework, going to teacher/parent conferences and putting extra effort into making those holidays special.
It is not just grandparents either. How about the sister or brother that get that phone call in the middle of the night to come and pick up a niece or nephew who has been abused or neglected or that one time your told to watch the child because they need to run to the store or complete an errand and will be right back and that day never comes. You not only have to take care and raise your own children, you now have the responsibility of raising your niece or nephew. It does not have to be by and of the situations listed above because there are circumstances where it cannot be avoided. One of the situations is due to illness or a tragedy. Either way you are going to have to take on that extra responsibility.
Oct
25
Children Are Our Future
Filed Under Ways of Thinking | 1 Comment
This saying holds so true for a number of different reasons. These children are being raised in independent living facilities, which is a home that has limited supervision for young adults that reach the age of sixteen and foster homes that are only in it for the money. Once these children reach adulthood and that is usually the age of 18, they are sent into the world with no extra assistance. In most cases they are only taught basic skills to survive. Young adults out of the foster system or independent living facilities are shown how to shop for groceries and how to setup and keep doctors appointments. They are not receiving information on how to rent an apartment or purchase there first home. They do not know who to look out for when making a large purchase or to notice the signs of individuals who truly care for them or are just using them.
Getting these children into loving, safe and stable family environments should be a national issue. They are being turned out on to the streets and usually these are the children who do not make it. Having families that can teach them love or show that they care can make a world of difference. This would also break the cycle of child abuse that come from children who do not know how to raise children on there own or have decided not to have children do to their own family trauma. I have spoken to young women who have so much love in their heart but have decided to never have children. They fear that they will place upon a child the same abuse that they experienced. Even if the experience is not the best in foster care, they come away with a since of some type of family value or what they feel is a family moral.
Sep
29
Transracial Adoptions
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I do not agree with the opinions of individuals who state that adoptions should stay within the cultural heritage. The reason for not supporting transracial adoptions is totally ridiculous. Let us look at the statistics of families of color going out and adopting children from their racial background. When adopting, you hear most of the complaints from groups who do not want anyone of a different culture adopting a child of a different race but none of them are adopting these children. This leaves children of color in the system. Foster homes and Independent living facilities are running over with children of color. In most cases, they are african american or hispanic. Their own family members are unable to raise a child or additional children due to thier own personal reasons.
You have grandparents raising grandchildren from two or more of their own children. You have older sisters and brothers, raising neices or nephews along with their own children. However, the National Association of Black Social Workers want to condemn children being adopted by loving families who want to provide and love the child no matter what the race.
I have a friend who has two sons that are african american, she and her husband are both white. Her sons play football and soccer, they both take piano lessons and the oldest son goes golfing with his father. Every Friday is family night, they go out together and they somethime stay at home, order pizza and rent a movie. She is a regional director for AT&T, her husband is a partner in a law firm. He wants one of his sons to become a lawyer and he thinks the younger one has that lawyer mentality like him. Now you tell me, what makes them any different for wanting the samething for their sons that I want for my own children? Would you rather they just stay in the system and pray that some day before they turn eighteen years old, some family of color with some stability, may pick them ( they are brothers) and provide them the same life style they have now.
Sep
9
Different Countries
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Different countries will allow you to visit there areas, tour there land, enjoy there cuisine and they also have easier adoption laws. Countries like Africa and Asia will allow you to adopt a child as long as you spend a certain amount of time there and show that you can contribute to the country economically and socially.
In every country the laws are different, however, the United States laws are so difficult. Man and woman as a traditional married couples are the only one that seem to be acceptable. Same sex partners, male or female, find it difficult to adopt in our country, Age is a large deciding factor due to the life expectancy of the parent or parents versus the age of the child at the time of adoption and the dependency on the parent. Also the financial status of the parents is a large determining factor. Can they afford a child? What can they provide for them as far as insurance, college and other future endeavors.
The biggest factor is color. The United States is set on matching children of the same nationality with parents of the same nationality. They are afraid of the consequences of putting kids of different ethnic backgrounds with parents unlike themselves. The reasoning is what if there intentions are not of a moral nature. Would the adoption of a black child be for reasons other then love by there white parents? or Would the white child being adopted by black parents be due to them wanting to get even for years of oppression? Unfortunately, they do not think that love or seeing a child that first time and knowing that this is your child regardless of the color could possibly be a factor and therefore beautiful children stay in the adoption system and loving parents go childless or seek assistance overseas.
Sep
5
Acceptance
Filed Under Ways of Thinking | 2 Comments
Individuals are under the influence that acceptance is the most important things in the world. Acceptances come in many different forms, accepting someone for their sexual orientation, eye color, hair color or skin color, play different roles in why we accept people. One of my favorite celebrities is Angelina Jolie and I have always admired her playing by her own drum. She has not only given birth to her own kids but has opened her heart to children of other countries from different ethnic backgrounds. She has a son from Cambodia, one from Korea and a daughter from Africa. Her way of thinking is something I think we should all take into consideration. Angelina Jolie, Madonna and Minnie Driver, among other celebrities have resorted to going to other countries to adopt babies and they have been picked at and ridiculed for doing it.
Watching the Music awards, I saw an episode where one celebrity had a whole comedy routine regarding the celebrity’s adoptions. She had three white children walk out on stage, introduced them with names commonly used for African American children, advised that they were a great tax writeoffs and also stated that having children of a different ethnical background was the latest accessory in Hollywood. I’m thinking that these individuals adopted their kids because they wanted and loved them, not as a fashion statement. Fashion change every day, these individuals have not changed children. How can judgement be passed without first enjoying the experience or truly watching these parents with their children.
Aug
26
Our Differences
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Have you ever wondered what the world would be like if we were all the same? No one thinking differently or looking different, just walking, talking and dressing alike. Completing each other thoughts or being able to pinpoint what someone else was going to do before they did it. There would be no surprises or excitement in our world. There are individuals who think that being with people who only do things the way they do it or look just like they do, are the best and they would go through any lengths to keep things that way.
Being exposed to different environments or cultures would definitely give us each the chance to understand why others do things differently. We all seem to feel that being around others like us and raising them the way we were is the way that it was meant to be. I on the other hand feel that we should all be exposed to new and different things. Wanting to know why the color of my skin makes me a threat or not worthy of what the world has to offer, or the color of my skin making people think I automatically feel superior to them are questions most people would like answered.
This is a special time in history when a lot of people are opening their mind to new and different ideas. Can we all get along in spite of our differences. Can we except others into our homes and hearts, show them the ways of different lifestyles without worrying about how others may perceive it.